Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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How do you stop a cat from urinating on your floor? Shoot it.

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I saw a guy walking down the street like a black person. I just shook my head and smiled. He WAS black.

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ask me if i'm a tree are you a tree? No.

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You heard about that piece of shit that says no all the time? Yes, I bet you haven't though. no.

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How can you kill someone who looks like a squirrel? With an bomb. That would kill most people.

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9

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why'd the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

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your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory

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Why are there no swimming pools in Mexico? The average yearly income is $3,523, and pool chemicals are very expensive.

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit stumbles into a genie while coming to a clearing. The Genie says, "I will give you both three wishes." The bear thinks quickly and says, "I wish every bear in the forest was female." The Genie then grants the wish. "And...now I wish that each bear in the country was female!" The Genie grants the wish. "AND I WISH THAT EVERY BEAR IN THE WORLD WAS FEMALE!!!" the bear exclaims, now getting overly excited by his wishes. The Genie grants the last wish and then turns to the rabbit. "Your turn." The rabbit wishes for a pair of running shoes and the well being of his family and friends. For his last wish he points at the bear and says, "I wish he was gay."

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people, and are a nation and ethnoreligious group originating in the Israelites or Hebrews of the Ancient Near East. A pizza on the other hand is an Italian dish made up of cheese, bread sauces and multiple toppings.

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whats in common with a rat and an apple? neither of them are a fridge

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Hey, there are 206 bones in the human body, would you like 1 more? ;) If you are referring to your penis, that is made of tissue, so it is not an extra bone. And no, I would not like your penis.

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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What rhymes with shuck and starts with an f flamethrower

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread, and loaves of bread are incapable of understanding the intricacies of fly-by-wire guidance and propulsion systems.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor"

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I got shot once it hurt a lot

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whats the same about a spider and a grape? they both have eight legs, except for the grape.

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The last time Jesse saw his **** was the day..........oh wait it's never happened

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If life throws you melons, maybe you are hitting the melons.

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What is the difference between an African and French person? Nothing all people ate equal.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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