How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What smells like shit and is covered in cheese? Sean's pizza socks.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two sausages were in a pan. One says "Wow it's hot in here!" the other says "OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does a turtle do on its back? NOTHING!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar. He sees his wife with another man. That man is his brother.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worse than 9/11 a paper cut

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did my cat die? I drowned it in the bath.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A teenage girl walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic drink. The bartender declines the order as she is under the legal age of purchasing and consuming alcohol.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

hey

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was 6 afraid of 7? *cause 7 8 9? NO cause 7 was a nigga!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What would you if I slapped you in the face with a fish? Unless you are a push-over, it is likely that you would retaliate with anger.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways and there was no traffic.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A man walks into a bar. - - - - - - - - -

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Bob- yo mammas soo fat tha.. Joe- I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Q. What do you call a bunch of guys in a shower? A. The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Have you seen Stevie Wonders house? No, he hasn't either

thumb_up thumb_down +6

roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why didn't Valerie go on over to Amy's house? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops