Why did carly drop her groceries Carly is a cow

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Why do you always find a dead baby in the last place you look? Because once you've found it, you stop looking.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What happens when a jewish man, black man, asian and an amish man get on the same plane heading to Chicago? The reach their destinations safely and go their separate ways.

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whats the difference between and clorox wipe and a paper towel? a clorox wipe is wet.

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One day a child goes to the doctor and says, "it hurts when do this" as he pokes his throat. The doctor, after several well-performed deep tissue testing, diagnosed the child with stage four esophageal cancer. The child cried himself to sleep that night.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a WAFFLE!

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What state is round on both ends and high in the middle? Ocoloradoo.

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What did johnny say when he fell down the stairs? Nothing he snapped his neck

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Women's rights.

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roses arent always red, they can be pink or white. violets are violet, not blue. your pretty lets have sex.

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Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They beat her.

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How do you make a baby float? 1 can root bear 2 scoop baby

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Why did the zuccini fly? I was in an acid trip.

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Did i just hear a joke about birds? No? Well this is Hawkward.

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why did the man fart? because he felt like it.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? How did you know it was me?

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What is stupid? I would say you but these jokes are worse.

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Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was hungry. Thats why.

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(for comedians) I went to a coffee shop the other day. I ordered a coffee then sat down. Behind me there were two people talking. I didn't eves drop because it's impolite so I drank my coffee and left.

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"The hills are alive..." Impossible, hills can never be alive.

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You know what's funny? Clowns.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house... Knock knock Who's there? The Chincken

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why was 6 afraid of 7 He raped him the other day

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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