What do you call a doctor whos black A doctor

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Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for pooh

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Roses are black, Violets are too. I'm colourblind. Stop laughing.

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canaan and mallory

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What do you call a man with a shovel through his head? Unless he was carrying ID when he died; John Doe.

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what's the last thing you want to hear during surgery? your wife complaining

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What's green and blue that is shaped like the earth? The earth

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Why did the man fall down? Because he was pushed of a 5 story building

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them!!!

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Someone threw a cigarette at me today... What a fag.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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bill: HEY! your moma so fat bob:so i dont care shes gonna die soon anyway

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knock knock get lost!

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar and the bar says "ouch!"

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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A child logs on to antijoke.com he is a chronic masturbator

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Andy Carrol

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Howdid we get copper piping we put a Pennie between two Jules

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Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

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my great great grandpa ryan the rattlesnake had a cat named dog-

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Why was the black man at the back of the bus... Cause all the other seats were taken

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Why did the fortune cookie taste bad? I forgot to take the wrapper off.

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What does Pontiac stand for? Nothing. Pontiac's were discontinued

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because the monkey was a dead. Don't you dare laugh. Asshole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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