4 black men wearing ski masks and stripped jumpers kicked my door open and ran into my house knocking over and breaking things. They then realised this was not their friends house, apologised, paid for the damaged and left for the fancy dress party.

Q: What is, in full, Donald Trump's speech to the Republican National Convention? A: This. I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! I'm Donald Trump! I'm Donald Trump! Trump trump trump trump trump trump trump! Trump tromp troomp trimp treemp tramp trump trump trump!

The Game

Knock Knock Who's there? Your real father. I left you when you were a month old and I have regretted the decision ever since. I would like to be a part of your life.

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

what happened to the boy who crossed the street. he got shot by a bus

What do a black man and an apple have in common? They are both carbon based life forms.

Knock, Knock Who's there? Milkman! Milkman who? ....Timmy....I've been coming here for FOURTEEN YEARS! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!?! I drove your mom to the hospital when you were born since your father is such a deadbeat. I helped pick out your name!! I'm sorry I wasn't born into wealth like you. I'm sorry I have to go door to door handing out milk for other people! I have been coming here every week for FOURTEEN YEARS! But no Timmy, no, don't try to remember my name. Just forget about all the laughs we have had. Or that time i left my family on Christmas because your mother needed me to go find you that Turbo man doll. I saved you from a burning vehicle! I helped you win your third grade science fair! Remember? I have a picture of us and that robot right here in my wallet. I show it to people all the time! Here's me and my...my pal Timmy. Well Timmy, this is it. You shan't see me again.

What's yellow, long, hard, and moves up and down? A banana in an elevator...

Okay, one second.

How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died.

Why did the man jump off a cliff? Because he was committing suicide.

Why did the black surgeon get fired? The hospital was low on funds due to the economic crisis, and had to let a few employees go.

A midget walks under a bar

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

What did the pimp do to his bitch? He thanked her and rewarded her for her years of dedication and preserverance

Why did the kid fail? He procrastinated.

what's the difference between a male and female skeleton? The jaw bone structure

How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

Where did a homeless man find his easter eggs? In the bin.

How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Because Goofy can walk on two legs, and is therefore superior to Pluto in Walt Disney's eyes.

I used to tell people: step on my foot on purpose and ill FUCKlNG BREAK YOURS! Then I Evolved.. friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Thumb me down or step on my foot if only on mistake, and I will break off both your legs and ram them up your ASS!

Who won the race across the highway, the Mexican or the Frenchman? Neither, as they were struck by a mac truck when attempting to run across the highway and were both killed instantly on impact.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...