What did the president say after his wife and kids left Him? Im Obama self now

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? Because they often have to interact with violent and distrustful criminals.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the lawyer say to a lawyer? We're both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the chicken cross the road? No soap, radio!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had been used as an ingredient in kung pow chicken and was on it's way via delivery boy to the house that had ordered it for a lovely evening meal

thumb_up thumb_down +29

what happened to the boy that walked down the street he got hit by a falling street light

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How did the fat man avoid getting dehydrated? Fat men don't excersise and therefore cannot become dehydrated.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A black man, a Mexican man, and an Asian man all walked into a bar. They proceeded to have a good time together as they were celebrating their graduation from medical school.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why was the blonde fired from her job as a nurse? Because she ate all the babies in the nursery (She didn't even leave one for the director of the hospital to eat!)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't Harry Potter get a job at Mc Donalds? Because he isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red violets are blue your mother is pretty what happened to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

when i go to a nude beach people think im looking for lost jewelery and treasure

thumb_up thumb_down +27

you know whats not funny? the Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what happened to the 4 year old girl who got stuck in the freezer? She froze.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why is a budgie Because the other leg is yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats Black and White and Red all over ? A Zebra laying in a pool of its own blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is the best kind of necro? Dead necro.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

fuzzy wuzzy was a bear fuzzy wuzzy had no hair so fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he? yes

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the onion say to the the the other other onion Ima cut you fool and make yall cry

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Because he was dangerously fatigued from staying up all night weeping passionately into the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of twenty years after the CEO of the company declared bankruptcy and finding out that his only daughter was in the hospital in critical condition after her school bus flipped off a bridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I'm trying to see from Adam Fantuzzi's point of view but i cant stick my head that far up my arse Daniel

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the baby die? Cuz the father had a small dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops