What's black can run really fast and jump really high? A panther

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when life throws you lemons your an idiot because it wont

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How you do stop a baby from swinging around on the clothesline? Hit it with a shovel.

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What did the mother get at the grocery store? Food.

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Why did Justin Beiber fall out of a plane? Because i pushed him off

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What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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Why are they the "living" daylights?

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I hate it when I go running and my diick always gets road rash from being dragged So I cut it off

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Chuck Norris can cook ramen noodles with a microwave.

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Q. How do you kill 5000 flies? A. Slap a afraican in the face.

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A man walks up to an attractive woman and asks "Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" The woman replies "No, it's hot in here. It is a record breaking 114 degrees outside, which means everybody is using their air conditioner. Due to the large amount of energy air condioners require, the power has gone out in this building and the air conditioner is not functional. The tempurature in the building is 103 degrees and three children are in the emergency room because of heat stroke."

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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A man is about to rape a girl. Before penetration he carefully and correctly applies a condom as he practices safe sex and is not yet ready to father a child.

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whats long and stretchy? elastic

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Like this joke, bitch.

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Q: Whats worse than dropping your ice cream? A: Dropping two ice creams. Q: Whats worse than dropping two ice creams? A: The Holocaust. Q: Whats worse than the Holocaust? A: Dropping three ice creams.

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42, that is all

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A chicken walks into a McDonald's and the cashier asked the chicken what he would like to order. A man waiting for his meal walked out realizing that the employees of this restaurant were not who he wanted making his food.

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What do you call a baby with no future? A baby dying at birth.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Spanish Inquisition.

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What is worse than going to school without your homework? Going to school naked without your homework.

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Q. What did tthe little kid say when the bully punched him? A. Ow.

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that awkward moment when your teachers a duck

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Why did the penguin die? He was anti-social and would rather die than huddle. So he died. THE END

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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