Q: What happened to the blonde who tried to commit suicide? A: She died.

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I died shortly after writing this.

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Why did god smite the homosex man with all of heavens wrath? For shits and gigs.

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How many people with Alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

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Q: What did the peanut say to the shell? A: Its dark in here.

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Me and my pet lion just took a trip to his homeland of africa. It is also worthwhile to note I'm a chronic liar.

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What do a black man and an apple have in common? They are both carbon based life forms.

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What did the murderer get for Christmas? Executed.

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how do you make a door cry? twist its nob

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Your mother was a hamster, And your father smelt of ElderBerries!

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Whats white and looks like a bunny? a rabbit

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Two cows are standing on the top of North Pole and in a half-inch wind they're spanking a bottle of coconut jam. Suddenly two infrared gallopping fly past them. What's the consequence? That people shouldn't use freshly peeled lemoncakes on underwater cornfields.

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What do you call the man who graduated medical school last in his class? Doctor

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He I just met you, and this is crazy, but you sister just died here's her baby.

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What did the Pope say to the old homeless man who asked him for a blessing? Hahaha, no I won't give you a blessing

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What do the villagers say when they see Tarzan swinging into town? Look, here comes Tarzan! What do the villagers say when they see Tarzan swinging into town with sunglasses on? Nothing. They don't recognize him.

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Why did Alex die? He choked on a semi truck

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what are the three types of rings? -wedding ring -engagement ring -suffering

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What do you get when you cross something with another thing that one would normally not cross with the aforementioned noun? A better love story than Twilight.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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once you go black you prefer not to date any white people

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Sure, if my waifu aproves, hell, the more the hornier. CONDOMS? ARE YOU INSANE? CONDOMS ARE FOR PUSSIES... ..:WHIIIIIICH sorta makes sense so okay, my for a moment I thought you where not gonna go trough with this... Nah just kidding, I already got you, now if you want to break free I am gonna be like "MEH!" So, uh, you shaven or not? Please dont be "trimmed", sometimes it just looks like a pussy with a mustachio, thats bullshit.

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i have an apple. now suck my dick

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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