How do you get a nun pregnant? You have sex with her

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 69

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A child is watching Saturday cartoons when is father walks in and, the child is aware that the father was on an all night binge and is verbally abused

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the black guy still have price tags on his clothes? He forgot to take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the chicken cross the road?... it actually didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +4

One below was by me: Walter H

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why didn't the chicken cross the road. Because it was hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: what is green, red, white, on fire, in space A: i dont know you tell me

thumb_up thumb_down +4

hey do you eat out a woman properly? you cook her first and then eat her. -jeffery dahmers

thumb_up thumb_down +4

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than losing $100 at the racetrack? Losing at Russian Roulette

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did walt disney say to the Jew? Nothing. Walt Disney didn't know the man was Jewish and didn't have time to make himself acquainted with the fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

George: I see you got a haircut. Jim: No, I got them all cut.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? The horses name was Friday.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

you know whats funny... nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What does a bartender say to almost all of his customers? May I please see your I.D.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Who's Italian and plays with a peach? Mario

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Question: How did the chicken get to the other side of the road? Answer: Too find his joint.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the pear say to the plum? Nobody knows - the plum was deaf and didn't hear, the pear knows only dirty words in sign language, and there was nobody else around to overhear.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the retarded asian dolphin eat for breakfast? A big bowl of shit

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Andy Carrol

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops