Whats the quickest way to a woman's heart? A bilateral incision on the upper left region of the sternum.

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How many licks did it take for the little boy to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop? Three, and then he choked and died.

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-What do you call it when a female and male are together? - A very serious relationship.

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Wanna hear a joke? No.

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Billy Cundiff.

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What happened when a man drove up to an escort and said "want to check my bags?" The escort replied "Certainly, sir" due to the fact the escort worked at a hotel.

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(SPOILER ALERT) The following are a few punchlines: "I didn't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!" "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks!" "Hold on buddy, I'm about to save you $10,000" "To get to the other side!" "Because 7, 8, 9!" "She had no arms!" "A fridge!" "I don't have Ferrari in my garage!" "The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!" "And if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college!" "It was stapled to the chicken!" "I proved it to him." "The holocaust" "Red paint" "A stick." "I wished for a big orange head." "No." "A bicycle is an object and a black man is a human being." "A pilot." "The papa tomato steps on him and says ketchup." "You left your engine running!" "That's what she said." "TV watches you!" "I think so Brain, but where will we get that many cucumbers at this time of night?" "Rectum? Damn near killed him!" "One but it takes two episodes and the bald guy dies."

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Coffee just isn't his cup of tea.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders 4 shots. The bartender promptly pulls out a gun and shoots him 4 times.

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What did the white doctor say to the black doctor? We both went to medical school.

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Aodhan peanut head Hearty

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What do you call Michael? A homosexual person who is nice, however he is still gay.

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Whats worse than runing over a box of kittens? Runing over two boxes of kittens.

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Is every Voltorb a terrorist?

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Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

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So a blonde woman gets into her car. She then drives to the grocery store because she is hungry and wants to buy food to make her dinner.

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WNBA

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What did the vegitarian order for dinner? Vegatables

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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What did the unicorn say to the man.\ Nothing unicorns don't exist

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What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? Being a Japanese person in Hiroshima on this date.August 6, 1945

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Q: why was the movie called the last house on the left? A: because they went to the last house that was on the left.

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What do u call a man with no arms and no legs and is laying in front of a door? Matt

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Why do Chinese people have flat faces? Air bags.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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