What the difference between Adolf Hitler and Michael Phelps? Micheal Phelps can finish a race.

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Wh did Steve Jobs invent the iPhone? Because he was smart.

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Knock knock ... *No ones home*

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Whats white and sticky and falls from the sky? The Cumming of the lord

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How much booze did the homeless man drink? All of it. He is severely depressed.

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Who lives on 2324 Elm St. River Grove Illinois? And Goes to East Leyden High School? The answer is Ricky Krajewski. He is 16 years old has brown hair and brown eyes. 5'11" 190lbs and 6.5 inch penis(when erect). social security # is 679-78-6283.

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69

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Q: What's the difference between a stick in the road and a baby in the road? A: You swerve around the stick

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

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text this number 2066191208 saying i wanna rape you

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If an ear could talk what would it say? Probably nothing because it doesn't have a tongue...

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1 fish 2 fish red fish wait why is the fish red , oh I forgot I killed it

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Tim and Eric

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Me- hey hitler you lost soemthing. hitler- Vat? Me-world war two.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Whats long and black? The unemployment line

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas?

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There is a man who is half black half Jewish. He walking up a hill really fast. What happens to him? Answer: The Jewish side of his body will fall off and the black side will walk away.

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what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

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How did the black man get put in jail? He didn't, he never did anything illegal

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Oh my God! A talking dog!

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so theres this big moose, and it walks into a convenience store and asks the lady bitch "where are the potatoes?" and she says "ehh, down aisle 5" so he goes down isle five, and there aint no potatoes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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