What do you look for in a woman? a pulse.

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A bear walked into a bar, unfortunately there were no survivors.

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What did johnny say when he fell down the stairs? Nothing he snapped his neck

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Who am I? Your name is Harvey Jackson. Let's get you dressed so we can go downstairs for dinner. Nurse Holland will be helping you in a few moments.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it.

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Why did Paul Walker cross the road? He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

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Hey I just met you, and this is Crazy, but I think I Love You, so have my baby! ;)

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How do you keep a black man out of your back yard? Tell him to go away.

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raisin boogers

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Hey, guess what? What? Dammit!

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She is so fast We call her Email Instead of Emily...

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Why did they bury the pope on the side of the hill? Because he is dead

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Gun Control

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Why wasn't there an elevator in the rainforest? The rainforest is not capable of managing an elevator because an elevator does in fact require an energy source which is also not capable in a rainforest. The rainforest is filled with animals and is not filled with humans which would make having an elevator in the rainforest useless because the main use of an elevator is to transport humans. The animals in the rainforest would not be able to operate the elevator because using an elevator for them would be advance while humans using elevators is second nature.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Come out with your hands up.

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What did walt disney say to the Jew? Nothing. Walt Disney didn't know the man was Jewish and didn't have time to make himself acquainted with the fellow.

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Why couldn't the girl brush her hair? Because she had leukemia

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Human: "Panda get off that slide! Your a panda, you don't understand gravity!" Panda: g=9.81 m/s squared. Human: Oh, I see, carry on.

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Batman and Superman switched sidekicks. Superman didn't want Robin.

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knock knock knocking on heavens douoor

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What's brown and sticky? Fecal matter.

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What do you call a man with a shovel through his head? Unless he was carrying ID when he died; John Doe.

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Why did the fish swim away from the boat when the fishermen put him back in the water? Because he obviously wasn't gonna get back in the boat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops