Why did the yeti make an omlette? To practise making omlettes.

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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When life throws you knives, you're probably dead

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everyone. - Blake Woodman

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Knock Knock Who's there? its the police mam your son has been killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol

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What do you do when your internet goes down? You right click on the internet connection and try to fix the problem.

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"Do you live in the United States?", said the man. "no." said the other man, "cool beans", said the woman.

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Yo momma's so fat, she slipped into a diabetic coma.

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What's 6 + 9? 15.

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how do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? with a blender. how do you get them back out of the bowl? with tortila chips.

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Why did peter fall off his bike? Because Peter is a goldfish.

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What's worse than not finding your true love in high school? Dying

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"Merry Christmas, Mom! My gift to you is...ME!" "I brought you into this life you disrespectful brat!" He then proceeds to a cliff.

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What did the father give to his daughter? AIDS.

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ask me if im a fence are you a fence WALNUTS!

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What do you call a qoman with 10 kids? A mother with 10 kids

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What is the opposite of Christopher Walkins? Christopher Reeves

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why did the girl cross the road? to commit suicide

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How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to see the CN tower. He was then hit by a fridge dropped by people running tests on the top floor.

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When life throws knives at you, run away.

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A duck walked up to the lemonade stand And he said to the man running the stand: QUACK!

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yo mama is so fat even dora cant explore her

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The first is a person of the Jewish Faith and the other is a popular item of food.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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