Why 't the blonde dial 911? Because phones haven't had dials on them for at least 40 years or so. She can however punch it in on her keypad.

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what did the apple say to the orange? nothing, stupid, apples can't talk

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Q: What did the peanut say to the shell? A: Its dark in here.

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What is black and white and red all over? A Zebra that has been fatally maimed by a hungry lion.

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You know what they say about women with really big feet? They actually don't say anything.

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What did grandma receive for her 75th birthday? Alzheimer's.

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How do you stop the unstoppable You dont

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What is the hardest part about rollerblading? Most commonly the balance part.

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the man the invented it doesnt want it, the man that wants it doesnt need it, and the man the needs it doesnt know it....what is it? a coffin.

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Out of all the sadness and death in the world...do you know what the worst part is? Mexicans are still hoping the border...

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What do you call someone with no legs nor arms? Mat

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A man met a genie that granted him three wishes. I wish I could fly. The genie gave him a plane ticket. No, I want to really fly for real! The genie put him inside a plane. Okay, I wish I was unable to die then! The genie killed him. Moral: Not every story needs to make a fucking sense.

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face!

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Why is the sky blue? Because it is.

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so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them

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How do you kill a retard? Pour gasoline on him and light him on fire.

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Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. They both promptly drowned.

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What did the blonde say to the man when he asked her what time it was? 6:34 pm

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How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

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"Knock, Knock" "who's there" "John doe" "John doe who" "I told you my my name was john doe"

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What got stolen from the poor boys house... Nothing, he was so poor that he couldn't even afford any thing

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How can you upset Helen Keller? In Braille spell out that she can't see or hear the hunger games

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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