a guy walked into my house and asked "why do you do the beep test every arvo?" i suddenly replied, im matt minors i get chicks

thumb_up thumb_down +13

how do you make a cat blink? strike him with a hammer.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the polar bear bury his face into snow? because he saw the 241543903 post and wanted to join in so he used a portal gun to teleport his head into some guy's freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because people have encroached on it's natural habitat.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why couldn't the asian man drive? He had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a water melon and a baby? One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other's just a water melon.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

which sex position produces the ugliest children? go ask ur mom

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So, a guy sees a guy, and asks that guy if he's seen a guy who knew this guy who saw this guy who killed this guy, who knew a guy who is Barack Obama's best friend. Oh wait, Barack Obama doesn't have any friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What has two legs, takes away your money, and causes depression? A Democrat.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

- What has 2 legs and is bleeding ? - A dog cut in two.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate black people, and mexicans too.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q Why was the boy sad A he wasnt sad he was dead and therefore had no emotional feelings

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Anna Nicole Smith? Mike Tyson's not dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what's difference between a pile of dead babies and a car? I don't have a car in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Look how far I can kick this bucket

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So there are two kids in bumper cars at the local fair. A nuke was set off underground and most of the metropolitan was annihilated.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? No Neither have I

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is an old ginger lady's favorite type of bread? Whole wheat.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

knock knock how there me ok come in

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? It can never be certain, as chickens are incapable of communicating.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why was the pen lonely? because it didn't have a pen pall

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: whats a bunny's favorite music genre A: smooth jazz

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops