Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Herpes, Now you do too.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

No, we are all different, none of us are the same, you however, have no match, your ability to think influence and inspire even today, is unmatched. It is he who is unmatched, who stands alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How do you make a Russian baby cry? Punch it in the face

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Did you hear about the guy who fell out of the stands at the ranger game? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the Asian Cross the road? Because the crossing signal went green!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. (Don't ask me how that's possible, just go with it) As the bartender is pouring it, he asks "Why the long face?" The horse responds "My son died of cancer this morning..."

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

thumb_up thumb_down +39

have you seen Stevie Wonders house? Nope. oh well sorry for bothering you

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian find a magical lamp with a genie inside. He offers each of them one wish. The Muslim wishes that people didn't look at his people as terrorists. The Jew wishes that the Holocaust never happened, and the Christian wishes for world peace. Actually this didn't happen, Genies don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's worse than an anti-joke? People who don't get the concept of an anti-joke and post regular jokes on this site.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the woman say to her rapist? I've had better.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? 12:00

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what did you call a bench full of white guys? The NBA

thumb_up thumb_down +35

chuck norris

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I thought I was ugly But then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Two cows are standing on the top of North Pole and in a half-inch wind they're spanking a bottle of coconut jam. Suddenly two infrared gallopping fly past them. What's the consequence? That people shouldn't use freshly peeled lemoncakes on underwater cornfields.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Cleveland winning something

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops