- I'm in my mum's car, broom broom. - Get out me car. - Aw.

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What do you have if you have a green ball in your right hand and a green ball in your left hand? Two green balls.

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How many dead babies can you fit in an oven? Depends on if you put them in the blender first.

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What do you call a dolphin on a unicycle? You need medical help

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Q: Why can't white people dunk? A: because they can't jump high enough

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Q:how many ping-pong balls do you need te get a crocodile off of a slide ? A:none, because an engine doesn't have doors

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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

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a man and a woman walk into a alley. They get mugged the man fights back out of pride and then gets stabbed the woman escapes and then goes to the police the man is then found two days later. *gasp* what a weird dream.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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A guy walks into a restaurant.... He ordered his meal , got desert and left a nice tip based off a percentage of his final bill.

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Why dont jews eat pork? Because the torah doesnt allow cannibalism

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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Q:what has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A:a pool table

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A woman walked into the doctors office with a black eye. The doctor asked: How did you get that? The woman said: I fell.

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What's bue and sticky? -A blue stick.

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You know whats funnier than 24? What? 25.

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Where did the homeless man sleep? A rather nice hotel with fluffy pilloes

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What did the penis say to the vagina during intercourse? It didnt say anything, the male said to the female "i like pickles."

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? cheese.

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What do Elephants and Grapes have in common? They are both purple, except the Elephant.

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Why did the chicken cross the street? Because it could without dying.

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how do you keep a blonde busy for 7 to 8 hours. you give her m&m's and tell her to spell a word.

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Knock, Knock Why did you just say knock knock?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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