- Anti Joke

Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! opens door Oh.... It was a woodpecker...

I see said the blind man to his def wife as the dog with no legs ran over

What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

how do you fix a family? Someone gives in

So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

What's worse, a dog dying or cancer? The Holocaust.

What do you get if you take the head off a Koala and a Wombat and swap them around? A bloody mess and about 4 years in jail.

Roses are red violets are blue you have cancer......

A blind guy walks into a bar because he can't see.

What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

Knock knock. Who is it? The police officer. ok, im not home.

Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

Why are you so fat? Cause I eat a lot.

A black guy gets a job...

Roses are red, Violet are violet, not blue, dumbass.

Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

penis

KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! opens door Oh.... It was a woodpecker...

I see said the blind man to his def wife as the dog with no legs ran over

What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

how do you fix a family? Someone gives in

So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

What's worse, a dog dying or cancer? The Holocaust.

What do you get if you take the head off a Koala and a Wombat and swap them around? A bloody mess and about 4 years in jail.

Roses are red violets are blue you have cancer......

A blind guy walks into a bar because he can't see.

What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

Yo momma so fat, she died.

my name is Jacob sartorious

Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

Anti Joke

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??

Knock knock. Who is it? The police officer. ok, im not home.

Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

Why are you so fat? Cause I eat a lot.

A black guy gets a job...

Roses are red, Violet are violet, not blue, dumbass.

Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

penis

KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! *opens door* Oh.... It was a woodpecker...

I see said the blind man to his def wife as the dog with no legs ran over

What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

how do you fix a family? Someone gives in

So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

What's worse, a dog dying or cancer? The Holocaust.

What do you get if you take the head off a Koala and a Wombat and swap them around? A bloody mess and about 4 years in jail.

Roses are red violets are blue you have cancer......

A blind guy walks into a bar because he can't see.

What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

Yo momma so fat, she died.

my name is Jacob sartorious

Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

Anti Joke

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??

KNOCK KNOCK! Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! Umm... Who's there? KNOCK KNOCK! OMG I SWEAR TO GOD WHO THE HECK IS THERE?!?!? KNOCK KNOCK! opens door Oh.... It was a woodpecker...