Hey, did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off? Yeah, it was pretty brutal. His right arm and right leg got cut off, too.

What did the toilet say when I pooped in it Nothing I just crapped in it

How did they wake up Lady Gaga? They p-p-poked her face p-p-poked her face......!

If a woman was born in China, raised in France and got married and died in New Orleans, what is she? Dead.

What happened to the baby bird? It fell out the nest

...............................................................hi

A man walks into a bar Ouch!

Roses are red, violets are blue, the face like yours belongs to the zoo. Please don't be sad, 'cos I'll be there too.. Not in the cage but laughing at you!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A tragedy worse than 9/11.

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start

An asian, black man and a white guy are stranded in a desert with no food and no water, so what do they do Die

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

What's worse then a bad hair day? Hattie.

Why did the black man die? He was shot

Roses are red... Violets are blue... Unless your colour blind.

What did the African-American get for Christmas? Nothing. I did mention he was African-American, right?

Why did the cat throw up on the couch? because it was nauseous!

What do you get when you cross a donkey and a hemophiliac? A bleeding ass!

Q: If Hitler spots a jew, what will he do? A: You suck at history dude, Hitler is dead! Moral: What? You did not get the daily news?

A blonde walks into a bar and orders a drink. The end.

Knock Knock! .... Knock Knock! ... There seems to be nobody at home...

Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The Police then give the S.W.A.T team the signal, and bust down the door and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door is Carlos Pedrojeuz, a serial killer, meth addict who has been a part of the sex slave trade for a decade. One might think of answering the door next time.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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