Jeremy has 8 apples. Susie has 3. how much does Jason have? Purple because aliens don't like grapes.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Roses are red, Violets are violet They are not blue You stupid twat

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What is it worse than a bee sting ? -Two bee stings What 's worse than two bee stings ? -The holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust ? -3 bee stings

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Knock knock "Who's there?" Blood on the Dance Floor "Ha!"

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Yo momma so ugly, except she's not. She's looking beautiful today.

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Why do black people have dark skin? Lack of melanin in their skin. You learn something new every day.

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Q. Dr.evil? JHHHHHHHHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

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Why is the sky blue? Because bicycles have two tires

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How did the blonde girl get pregnant? Sperm enters their vagina and fertilizes an egg cell causing a child to be conceived.

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Why can't you tell jokes in Base 8? Because 7, 10, 11

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Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

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You know you're a redneck when you come from a rural area and behave as such.

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A whale's vagina

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Gotta go Mark Gotta go Mark MARK MARKMARKMARK! Moving at the speed of mark I'm the quickest mark around Got ourselves a mark Start getting a new mark Without any mark On top of mark! Go- Go- Go- Don't mark Don't mark Just markmarkmarkmark! mark, he's on the run mark, he's number one mark, he's coming next so watch out for mark X! Gotta go mark, gotta go mark mark mark markmarkmark Go go go go go go go go go! marrrrrkkk X!!

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What is brown and sticky? A chocolate ice cream made with too much margarine and not enough of the ice mixture used to make Mr Whippy

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Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? Because they collect all the green cards.

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Who threw beer on livvy barnett? Cam irwin.

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whats worse than your little sster being raped? her being raped by your father.

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Q: knock knock who is there A;dunno go check

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whats long and pointy and guys always have to brag about whos got the biggest one? their christmas trees

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A bartender walks into the man and the bar said nothing because it was inanimate.

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A middle-class family went away on vacation. While they were gone, a pyromaniac burnt down their house. Their cat was still inside.

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There are two types of people in the world: humans

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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