theres a giant burning orb in the sky and it can burn your flesh, it can give you diseases, it can kill you, looking directly at it causes physical pain, and we all think this is okay. we like this orb. we like to go outside and lie around on our backs when this orb is in the sky. children draw cute pictures of this levitating death orb with a smiley face on it. what is wrong with us

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Once upon a time there was a nice old man who loved to ride his bike... He unfortunately died when he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Did you hear about Helen Keller's dog? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did America get on the 11th September? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar and starts telling anti-jokes to his friend. His friend is a follower and laughs even though they aren't funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red, Violets are blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

knock knock who's there no one

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Is that a threat or a promise? dragonflies

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Violets are Blue, Roses are Red, skip the bull$%!#, and give me head

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you kill a politician? You set him on fire and stab him in the back 20 times.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What is 2 + 2? A: Beastiality

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar and says "Ow".

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) (Knock knock...) Fuck me, that's the most echo-y door I've ever knocked on.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a handyman with no arms? By his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A boy walks up to a girl and says "Do you like ice cream? Cuz I have a huuuuuge penis."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

roses are red viloits are blue Bernard is hot but then i led to you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's black and white and red all over? Colors

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock knock! Who's there? Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's who? Knock knock!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats Black and White and Red all over? A white boy who just got jumped, with sever bruises left lying in a pool of his own blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you get when you mix a deer and a pickle? A very odd dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

roses are red violets are blue my cat died and i have alsheimers who are you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops