An atheist walks into a church

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how do you make your mom mad? mushroom stamp her face

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how do you make a cat blink? strike him with a hammer.

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Why did the kid kid have no arms? A clown came and chopped them off.

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Your mother is so fat, that the doctor said, "Go on a diet or you will get a Cardiac Infarction."

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if life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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What was the tallest mountain before Mount Everest was discovered? Mount Everest

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What is black and white and red all over? Two Nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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A man with a gun walks into a bar. The police are called and the man was killed quickly.

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Penal Dysfunction

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A black guy and a white guy are in a drug store. Who buys the drugs? The customers.

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Titanic with will smith. Girl: I wont ever let go of you. Leo: Drowns. Smith: Move your fat ass over girl, there is like room for me and fifthy kids there yo! Me: Bitch if you need to float on a piece of wood where six of us could fit, im gonna drown you.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nofin Eejit.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back. And 6 million in the ashtray

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Why cant helen keller drive Because shes a woman

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jack shine and keiran = nate robinson

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Are you from Africa? Because you're black.

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A plane is going to land at 3:30, if the monkey is holding a gun how does the bus driver commite suicide 12, because the laywer attacked the dyslexic man.

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How do you confuse Helen Keller? You don't. She's dead.

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Have you ever heard the story of Mikey Braford? Every morning when he was little, his father would fill a gym sock with nickels and beat him with it. Mikey has severe attachment disorder and frequent suicidal thoughts.

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What's neon green and has 69 legs? Nothing that I know of, but it would be an interesting creature

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Q:What Did The Man Say When He Lost His Body A:Nothing He Die. Because If You Ever Lost Your Body You Would Die...

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What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed Nothing it is a sentient object and doesn't have the capability to talk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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