- Anti Joke

Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

What did the boy do when he struck out in his little league game? He was very upset and contemplated not playing the game anymore.

Why are Asians so good at mathematics? Practice.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

What did one hostage say to the other hostage? Hrmfhrmfphmfr

Last night I had a Chinese By that I mean I abducted some Chinese people and ate them

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it wanted to.

whats a willy? -brock

Why do everytime I go to toilet for number 2. I look into the toilet to see if this one's nicer than the last one.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Osama Bin Laden is dead.

What do you call a group of black people? A group, you racist.

A man walks into a bar and says "hey, it's me!". Turns out that wasn't him.

What did the lemon say to the turtle? If you think the lemon said anything, something is wrong with you.

What do you call a black girl scout? A brownie

modern love

Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the slaughter-house.

Jesus said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But, John came fifth and won a toaster.

wow such mark very mark many mark so mark

What is black and white and red all over? Yemen's national flag.

Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go NSYNC and disappear cause NSYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

Dylan is a person

A lion walks into a barber shop and asks for a haircut and the barber says no then the lion proceeds to kill everyone in the shop

Nicholas Salek did not write the message below. It was a joke one of his mates played!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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