knock knock who's there? a murderer. a murderer who? a murderer who kills you and your family.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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, , /^\ ___ /^\_/ `...' /` ,__\ ,' ~ ( ,___\ ,, ., \ \___ \\\ .'.' .-. ) .'.-\\\`.`. '.-. ( / (==== ."". ( o ) \ ,/u `~~~'| / `-' ) "")^u ^u^|~| `""". ~_ / /^u ^u ^\~\ ". \\ _ /u^ u ^u ~\ ". \\ ( \ )^ ^U ^U ^U\~\ ". \\ (_ (\ /^U ^ ^U ^U ~| ". `\ (_ _ \ )U ^ U^ ^U ^|~| ". `\. (_ = _(\ \^ U ^U ^ U^ ~| ".`.; (_ -( _\_)U ^ ^ U^ ^|~| "" (_ = ( ^ U^ U^ ^ U ~| (_ - ( ~ = ^ U ^U U ^|~/ (_ = (_^U^ ^ U^ U / (_- ~_(/ \^ U^ ^U^," (_ = _/ |^ u^u." (_ (/ |u^ u.( (__/ )^u^ u/ /u^ u^( |^ u^ u/ |u^ u^( ____ |^u^ u( .-' `-, \^u ^ \ / ' .---. \ \^ u^u\ | ' ` ; | \u^u^u:` . `-' ; | `-.^ u`._ _.'^'./ "-.^.-```_=~._/ `"------"' Seahorse

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I like my women the way I like my coffee: Without a penis.

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What's after 9/11? 9/12

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A guy trips a blind man.

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? It was dead.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems show me your boobs

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Me: Sometimes I like to talk to myself. Me: So do I.

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What do you call a black guy who kills people? A murderer.

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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Why can't men give birth? Because men do not not have the reproductive organs required to give life to a new born child.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Because it's a free country chickens are free to do as they please

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A man buys a kitten from the store. He gets home, takes it out of its cage, and realizes that it wasn't the kitten he wanted. He then returns to the store and exchanges for the kitten he originally wanted, but then decides to keep both because he is feeling particularly hungry.

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How did the blonde girl get pregnant? Her boyfriend used a condom left in his pants and then was washed. Making it defective and causing her her to become pregnant.

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A women president

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Roses? are red Violets are blue, Kangaroos like Oranges, Poems suck, Refrigerator.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You were adopted and I couldn't think of a good way to tell you...

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I think people who go to see a psychiatrist need their head examining.

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I hate it when sentences don't end the way you expect them potato.

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How do you wake up Lady GAGA? A sludge hammer!

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I'm banging your sister.

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What is it called when a Native American Indian man smacks a woman in the face for cheating on him? In police code it's called a "273D Domestic violence - Felony" most likely involving an insecure man with control problems simply adding to the stereotype that Native American's are drunk, abusive and domestically violent people.

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yo mama is so old i told her to act her own age and she told me to shut up and get out of her house.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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