Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees - have nothing at all in common.

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Why was the alcoholic unable to pass a stool when he sat down on the toilet? Because he did it on the floor.

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Q. What do you call a small hen that can't lay eggs properly? A. A small hen that can't lay eggs properly.

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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My phone rang. So I answered it.

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Knock Knock! Whose there? Adolf Hitler

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i like pie.

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why are asians eyes so slanted? because THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY!!!

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How come the blind black guy couldent read because he is dead

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Why couldn't Sally ride a bicycle? She doesn't have a bicycle. She also doesn't have legs.

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Why couldn't little Johnny play sports like the rest of the kids? He was diagnosed with polio at the age of 3 and has limited use of his legs.

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Because you killed my Llama. He was my best-friend.

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Why did the man order fried chcken? I have twelve dead babies in my trunk.

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Little Davie was a kid with no arms and legs and one day his friends Came to his house and knocked on the door and asked for little Davie And asked if he wanted to come play baseball..Little Davie replied "I'd Love to but I have no arms or legs" his friends say we know that..We were Just needing a second base..

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Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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Roses are red That much is true But violets are purple Not freaking blue

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Yo momma so fat when god said let there be light he said get the fuck out the way!

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How do you unclog a toilet? You call a plumber.

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Why can't Helen Keller hear or talk straight? Because she's dead

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Whats worse then getting hit by a truck? Getting hit by a turkey!

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What is the difference between a girl and a boy? Well, a girl has two x-chromosones but a boy has and X and a Y chromosone.

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Q: What do you call an American who has both Irish and Italian ancestry? A: An American.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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