Ipod to earbuds: "hey buds" earbuds response: "sup player"

If one of us goes, all of us go. If we all go, none of us are left out.

A drunk man is that last one inside a very popular bar. He passed out on the counter before he ordered a drink. The bartender is angry at a sale lost, which would have been his millionth sale before closing time on the 1000th day of business. He goes home and hangs himself.

Have you heard the joke that they don't tell retarded people? You haven't? Well then alright let me tell you because it's actually quite amusing.

You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

How do you make a plummer angry? Kill his family

Is this where I type the joke?

What's the difference in an orange? A chicken because a vest has no sleeves.

whats the difference between jimmy saville and a horse? jimmy has a bigger cock

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well that, my friend, is a good question.

What's worse then finding a finger in your Chili? Getting Mollested by a Pterodactyl.

why do you care?

In the movie Dark Skies, little white boys were haunted by a mysterious force. The answer is obvious, isn't it? They are being haunted by Michael Jackson's ghost.

Man: I'm just popping out to get cigarettes (He never returns.)

What did the kid say when he fell of a cliff and met Tom jones? Hi

how do you find will smith in the snow? with rescue dogs

Yo momma's so fat that when she went to Seaworld and a whale saw her, looked away, and continued on with its daily life.

It was a dark night, I was walking home from the shops in town, The wind was whistling through my damp hair, My spine tingled and i tucked my hands under my stinking pits. I felt like someone was watching me, I walked faster the breath was warm on my kneck i turned around. It was gary glitter he pulled down my pants and gave me the best sucky i ever had. We kissed and i tasted the cheese from my knob. In all garry glitter has a giant knob

A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn't listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don't drop you pencil!

Don't you sometime just want to chop of your toes and stomp around to prove to the so called 'experts' that it is possible for a person to walk without toes? . . . . . . me neither

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do.

What's worse than doing the dishes with long sleeves? Finding out your girlfriend's been cheating on you.

How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? blacks don't work

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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