How did the blind man watch T.V? With the captions on.

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What kind of shots I'd John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

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Why can't Jimmy talk? He's dead.

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What's worse than finding a pickle in a jar? Finding Snooki in a jar.

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How to you kill two birds with one stone? You use a precision hunting rifle to mortally wound two flying birds, then put them on a platform and break their skulls with one rock. Separately.

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A blonde and a brunette are out for drinks. The brunette goes home early as she has to be up the next day.

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A tiger walks into a bar, the patrons ran out terrified.

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit stumbles into a genie while coming to a clearing. The Genie says, "I will give you both three wishes." The bear thinks quickly and says, "I wish every bear in the forest was female." The Genie then grants the wish. "And...now I wish that each bear in the country was female!" The Genie grants the wish. "AND I WISH THAT EVERY BEAR IN THE WORLD WAS FEMALE!!!" the bear exclaims, now getting overly excited by his wishes. The Genie grants the last wish and then turns to the rabbit. "Your turn." The rabbit wishes for a pair of running shoes and the well being of his family and friends. For his last wish he points at the bear and says, "I wish he was gay."

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Where did Lil' Suzie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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What's worse then finding a finger in your Chili? Getting Mollested by a Pterodactyl.

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2 tomatoes walk across a road tomato 1 gets hit by a car tomato 2 gets confused, because tomatoes don't have legs and therefore cannot "walk across a road" And furthermore, a tomato does not have a brain, and thus cannot get confused.

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knock. knock. whos there? BOWLING SHOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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how do u make an infant cry? hit it in the face with a full grown salmon.

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What do you call a snail driving a boat? An accident waiting to happen.

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Do you know mirror has 6 letters and half of then are r's?

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what did the lawyer say to the doctor? hello.

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whats are the similarities between a dolphin and a bus? they both have wheels, aside from the dolphin. it does not,

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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how do 2 gay guys walk... one pounces into the others butt

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Why did Gus go to the HC? Because he got high off his ass.

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Why did the man shoot himself Because he was black

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What happens when you click a link on a web page offering sex? You get a virus.

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What do a blond and a jar of marmalade have in common? Nothing, they are completely different.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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