Why couldn't little Jessica open the door? It was locked

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I hate it when sentences don't end the way you expect them potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why was Bootylatrice tardy for school? -She overslept.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

what do yo call two dog? dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the hooker say to her employer after 1 hour....you owe my $20

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the Man say to the elephant Nothing this man does not speak, the elephant does though

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the plane crash? There was a horrible mechanical error that caused the main engines to fail.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What does the young boy say to the gay man Hello Jacob, because he was raised to respect and treat gays equally

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari? A: The dead baby was once alive, while the ferrari couldn't possibly have lived since it's a car and cars are inanimate objects.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why is Billy in a ditch? He stepped on a landmine and was promptly burst into many pieces. The ditch was coincidental.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry, Show me your tits.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

My penis is small, Just kidding, it's huge.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the man have an erection? He had just masturbated.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

how do you get a taco? Buy one!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why couldn't the blonde screw in the light bulb?? - she happened to be autistic

thumb_up thumb_down +30

why do blonds write TGIF toes go in first

thumb_up thumb_down +30

what's brown and sticky? A stick!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

whats the point of anti jokes? A: the point that it is no point

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A black man trips and falls down. You help him up and ask him if he needs any help. After a brief friendly talk you both continue on your separate ways.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

SURFIN' BIRD (Frazier - White - Harris - Wilson) THE TRASHMEN (GARRETT 4002, 1963) A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a... A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody's talking about the bird! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird... Surfin' bird Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb... [retching noises]... aaah! Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa- Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow Well don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Roses are red Violets are red Shit My garden's on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A Man buys a Prius. Hated it.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

White people talk like this 'HEY' Black people talk like this 'YO' Hundreds of thousands died in the civil war.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops