Why didn't the poor man buy a candy bar? He wasn't hungry.

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how do you fit 20 babies into a bucket? you put them into a blender. how do you get them out? chips.

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Why did the Jewish man dive into the street to pick up a penny? He was Tevye, a character from the famous play Fiddler on the Roof and pennies are valuable and rare in Tsarist Russia in 1905.

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What did the retard say to the other retard? *(incoherent gibberish)*

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Knock Knock Who's there? No one. You're imagining things.

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tea with milk?

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Why did the tomato blush? Because it began to ripen.

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lol a man is drowning

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What's the difference between a wife and a chef? A chef has the choice to leave the kitchen.

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An Irishman and an Englishman are in a bar. Suddenly a wild Dragonite attacks. The Englishman promptly catches the pokemon and continues to enjoy his drink with his Irish friend.

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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How could you ever watch a man hit another man and say nothing? UFC is on at 9:00pm.

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Wow, so it is true, you are here the entire fucking time aren't you bitch? You and all "six billion of your followers of the dark", listen asshead, one thing is people asking ME when I FUCKING SIGN BOOKS (which does not happen all that FUCKING OFTEN!) Why I lead a fucking cult of sorts. Another one is having your goons stab me in the FUCKING EYE, and going "Oh I am like so sorry, please let me be the gayest I can be" People assaulting me because I use the "Moralman identity" IT IS MINE! My real FUCKING NAME IS NERO! I DON'T GO AROUND STEALING NOBODY`S SHIT!

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Why is Santa's sack so big? He has a malignant tumour on his testicle. We're all very worried about him.

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What's the difference between a live baby and a dead baby? A dead baby doesn't cry.

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Why does Santa Claus not have children? Because he only comes once a year.

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Membean

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Get a ladder from your house and kindly help him down.

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I saw a poor man named rich

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Explain the term 'Standard of Living'? Not having sex with diseased and obese women.

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I love results day! for every A* I get 30 pounds! everything else I cut myself.

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Like this joke, bitch.

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What is the defference between an apple and a banana? Horses, because vests have no sleeves.

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roses are grey violets are grey im a dog

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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