(insert command here) Oh yeah, well I want world peace.

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roses are red i have a phone nobody texts me forever alonee lol

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A grandmother in her late seventies is walking to the grocery store. Then out of nowhere,she stats getting pelted by bananas. One hits her hard on the head,and she dies.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What do you call an arab flying a 747? A pilot.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick

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Why did the two men kiss? Because they were both homosexual and attracted to members of the same sex.

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Where did Ann go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

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A Jew walks into a bar The bar owner looks at a gang of punks in the back and shouts "YOU! GET OUT!" The Jew leaves the bar.

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what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef

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Roses? are red Violets are blue, Kangaroos like Oranges, Poems suck, Refrigerator.

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Your mom is so fat, that it causes great concern for her family.

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how many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? one and a ladder

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A man walks into a car. And drive's off.

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What's the difference between Google Chrome and Bing? Not much. They are both very reliable and informative internet browsers.

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A man buys a kitten from the store. He gets home, takes it out of its cage, and realizes that it wasn't the kitten he wanted. He then returns to the store and exchanges for the kitten he originally wanted, but then decides to keep both because he is feeling particularly hungry.

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Knock Knock! Whose there? Adolf Hitler

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Yo momma so fat when god said let there be light he said get the fuck out the way!

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? You're in-laws. Bet you wish I said banana

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What's brown and green and if it falls out of a tree on top of you, it will kill you? A pool table

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How much does a fat penguin weigh? 45 kilograms.

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What do you get when you mix Catholicism and Islam? War

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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