A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the hospital? A: The victim of a violent mob attack

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Roses are black, violets are black, we are all black Shit i'm colour blind

thumb_up thumb_down -51

?ti saw won troffe eht htrow t'nsaw yllaer siht

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Whats the difference between an elephant and a tomato. You put tomatos in a salad.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Why did the plane crash? -Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

how do you get someone out of a chair? hit him with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

An Englishmen, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and ordered a beer. They later went home and slept. They woke up the next morning with a slight hangover.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Lethal injection is a lot more humane than the electric chair. I know because nobody's complained about it yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Why didn't the boy have any toes? - Because he did not have any legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

thumb_up thumb_down +50

No I do not think that, that would be a wasted thought.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

You might be a Redneck...if your job requires you to work long hours out in the sun and you do not take advantage of sunscreen.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why did the bus fall down? It was hit by a bus and then repeatedly battered by a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Violets are red. Roses are blue. I am drunk, and i'm about to spew.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

How many cows can you fit in a field? It depends on how big your field is.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

OMG guess what she just told me!! idk......im deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What do you call a penis without hair? Apple sause

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A black guy and a few other white guys steal a keg. They then proceed to have an awesome party consisting of extreme inebriation and a massive orgy.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I thought I was ugly But then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the blonde have the biggest tits in 3rd grade? She's 21

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Knock, knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest!

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops