Q: What weighs 6 ounces, is extremely dangerous, and lives in a tree? A: A sparrow with a machine gun.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse doesn't reply because horses don't speak. However, he is confused and scared by the unfamiliar surroundings. Trying to escape, the horse breaks his leg. The horse must be put down.

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Knock knock Who's there? A pedofile, get in the van Ok

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whats worse than forgetting to buy cinnamon toast crunch at the grocery store? Getting beat to death with a gallon of rotten milk...

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This guy goes to the ball game. He waits in line at the concession stand and gets a footlong hot dog and a giant orange soda. Then he makes his way around to his section of the stadium, and works his way to his seat, which is in the center of the row. Right when he's about to take a bite of his hot dog, when he hears someone in the seats way up behind him yell "Hey! Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, and sets down his giant orange drink, stands up and turns around, scanning the crowd. Eventually he sits back down. He picks up his hot dog, picks up his giant orange drink, and is just about to take a bike when he hears it again, someone way up behind him yelling "Hey! Mike!". So, he sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, and scans the hundreds of faces in the seats behind him. After a while, he sits back down. Then, right when he's about to bite into his hot dog, he hears someone behind him yelling "Mike! Hey, Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, cups his hands around his mouth and yells as loud as he can, "My name's not Mike!"

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why was six afraid of seven? it wasn't. numbers dont have feelings.

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Why are reading anti-jokes so funny? Im not sure, i just read them and laughter ensues.

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Do you know the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human, and one is an inanimate object.

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Why did little Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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If your canoe is stuck in a tree, in the middle of august, with no headlights, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon? A: None, snakes dont have armpits :D

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Drunk irish man

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You know what is not cool? Fire.

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The name "Hunter Barksdale".

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whats black and white and red all over? a zebra crossing after a horrible, horrible car accident

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What kind of jokes to dairy farmers tell? Corny jokes.

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Yo mama so fat, she most likely wont live to 40

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Tourette's, Cheese on toast.

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What is a cow's favorite drink? Well, I could be wrong and this is just my opinion, but I do not believe that animals experience feelings and, in corollary, favoritism towards anything, particularly regarding basic survival needs, such as hydration.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? cheese.

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Im So Hood... That When I go Shopping, I Buy Sweatshirts with Hoods

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Two Girls One Cup

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Why did Susie fall off the monkey bars? She had no arms.

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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Cot death.

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Why the he'll are there moths in the universe? It makes no sense. Where dies an annoying ass buzzing and flying price if isht ever help me?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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