An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

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BF:Roses r red Violets r blue a face like ur's shuld b i n the zoo but dont worry i'll be there but not in the cage but laughing at u. GF:Wanna c a magic trick? POOF ur single

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What's green and has wheels? A green car.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Roses can also be white And violets can also be purple

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What happens when you choke a smurf? Nothing, smurfs aren't real.

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your on a bus and you ask your math teacher if you got the answers on the homework right and the bus crashes in the middle of an intersection.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, racist.

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A Chinese man walked into a bar. He now has a minor concussion.

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Why did the man go to the barber? To get a haircut

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What do you call 5 of my friends and 5 of your friends hanging out together? I don't know. I don't have any friends.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.

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If life throws you lemons, you might be dislexic

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liam buchan is gay !

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What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

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Why did the penguin die? due to an increase in the quantity of greenhouse gases that are being released into the atmosphere, global warming is on the rise. So the penguin died because his home melted.

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How many cows does it take to put in a lightbulb? Well, you see, it depends how many cows it takes to put in a lightbulb.

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What did the white man say to the black man? Hello

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Why do jews have long noses? Because they received the genetic alleles from their parents that cause the nose to grow longer.

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Do you know what is dead on the carpet ? Your mother

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Anthony Dephillips is handsome

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a bus.

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why does horse head huffer keep posting here? because he really doesn't understand the concept.

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a guy walked into a bar and said "ow!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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