I wouldn't touch ellen degeneres with a 10 foot lance. However, i would shake her hand with my hand. Lesson: 10 foot lances are no way to touch ppl.

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Q:What's worse then Finding A Worm in Your apple? A: Realizing how empty your life is.

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Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

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Q: Whats worse than a dead baby in a bag? A: Please just make my hamburger.

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Customer: "I can't turn my computer on." Phone support: "Do you have power?" Customer: "Yes." Phone support: "Do you have fingers?" Customer: "No."

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Two gay men walk down the street holding hands, and are applauded for expressing their love for each other.

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this is not a joke

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Why didn't the cheese buy a house plant? Cheese is nonliving and therefore cannot earn money, thus preventing cheese from buying houseplants.

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selena gomez & justin beiber go in space. selena says im hotter than the sun. the way she knows this information is that she is near the sun at this time justin beiber has already drifted of in space.

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Hahaahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaahahah :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I screw with you Hahahahahahahahahaahaggahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah

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Wha'ts the funniest joke in the world? Written.

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"Hello?" "Is your refrigerator running??" "Yes..." "Oh. Well then have a nice day."

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? There was a huge pile of dead babies blocking his path.

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Q: Why did the policeman stare at the big-breasted victim? A: She was dead.

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whats red and spikey? an apple i lied about the spikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was disowned by his family due to his drug addiction and had nowhere else to go.

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A gay man walks into a biker bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you want ice with that?"

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Knock Knock Who's There?? Its the police your family have died in a tragic road accident

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What made people stop likeing Ice tea? Ice-T

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Hi

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Knock knock Who's there Santa who santa hates you and that is why you got nothing for Christmastime

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about the green and the wheels.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms Why did Susie drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere Knock Knock "Whos There?" Not Susie

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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