Q. How do you break into a store that's closed? A. You walk in, I was lying about it being closed.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?

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Yo Momma is so fat, she often chooses to take the elevator instead of the stairs.

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Why'd the boy fall off his bike? The holocaust

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A man walks into a bar. I don't know what happened next because I was waiting outside for my friend.

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How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

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the cast of the jersey shore

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Your mom is so ugly that she decided to work as a prostitute and she died a virgin.

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What's worse than banning guns? Very few things

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Why can't Helen Keller hear or talk straight? Because she's dead

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What's the square root of 69? 8.3

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What did the Dog say to the Cat? Nothing, Cats and Dogs are of different species and can therefore not understand one another.

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How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van!

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if life gives you lemonnde your probally halusinating

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Why do seagulls fly over seas? Because if they flew over bays they'd be called bagels.

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Knock Knock! Oh god Johnny, someones at the door! Hide the heroin and bail man, BAIL!!!

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What did the man say halfway through his sponsored trek across the Sahara desert? Well this was a dumb idea

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-Knock knock! -Who's there? -A kazoo. -A kazoo who? -A small, simple musical instrument consisting of a hollow pipe with a hole in it, over which is a thin covering that vibrates and produces a buzzing sound when the player sings or hums into the pipe.

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What's green and has four wheel? A tractor.

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Q: What is the meaning of life? A: We don't know. Dwight: FALSE. The answer to everything is 42.

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Why did the black lady yell? She was being raped.

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A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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