I once went seven years without sex, then I turned eight and my uncle raped me.

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What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him? Nothing. He's dead.

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Why did the koala bear fall outta the tree? He died. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?? He was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?? He had no arms. Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?? He thought it was a race to the bottom. Why did the fifth koala fall out of the tree?? Peer Pressure.

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Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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What is the difference between a blonde and a Mexican? Their hair color.

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SOPA gets passed and shuts down anti-joke because KFC claims the picture of the anti-joke chicken

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food?? Neither have they...

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When crossing the river, why the old lady die? She was hit by a falling brick that fell from an airplane.

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Two men are sitting on the couch watching sports, the first man farts, the second chuckles. They continue watching their program.

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Why did Eduardo cross the road. The same reason he crossed the border.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They promptly order their drinks and then leave.

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Q: What's white, black, and red all over? A: The yellow brick road

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I love you You love me We all grab 2X4's Barney's on the floor No more purple dinosaur.

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What has wings, is bald, and can't fly? A bald eagle. I lied about the part where it can't fly.

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Comedy.

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A man enters a bar. Two minutes later, a woman leaves a bar. What happened? A man entered a bar and a woman left. What's there to explain?

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What's worse than 10 babies in one trash can? One baby in 10 trash cans.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food before? No? Well neither have they.

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What is the result of a couples' feud? 96.

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What is the difference between Boyscouts and Jews? Boyscouts come home from camp.

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A man walks into a bar with an ape. The ape defecates on the floor. The bartender ordered them both out.

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Your mother is so rotund, in fact she went to a weight loss clinic... but gained weight

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I dream of a day when chickens won't be questioned about their actions

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How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? Usually, it takes one gay male to complete this action.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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