The class valedictorian is about to give his speech to the class. He has 6 fingers total, he is missing an ear, his left nostril is burned shut, and he must walk on crutches because of the severe injury to his left knee. How does the extremely cruel Principal of the school introduce him? "Please welcome Gregory Barnes, a brave soul that conquered a battle against death itself an won".

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Why did the Kitty stop meowing? Because its dead.

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why did the nazi eat the jew? He didn't

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If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

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A turkey and a ham walk into a room. The ham says to the turkey "You're a turkey." The turkey in response says, "Yeah, well you're a ham!" They both then get their heads chopped off, as the room they were in was a slaughterhouse.

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Ebola

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I think I lost my number so can I... No you can't because phone numbers can't be lost

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A man got a promotion at work. Now he makes more money.

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I saw a Chinese guy and a black guy talking to each other today, it gave me hope... For another rush hour movie

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The Pope

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Knock Knock! The man inside chooses not to answer the door and the caller walks away.

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The weels on the bus go...flat

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What was everyone doing in the library? Reading

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2 dogs one jar of peanut butter

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Women's rights

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What did Connor say to the fat man? Dude ur extremely fat.

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What did the German say when the whole of India blew up: "Wow, das muss eine gewaltige Explosion haben! Wie haben sie das geschafft?"

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Why was seven afraid of eight? Because eight nine ten.

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Why did the airplane crash? It was hit by a flying refrigerator.

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Q: how do you crush a Chinese man's dreams? A: tell him he is worthless and will never prosper.

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Four Iraqis played hide and seek 17 years ago, one of them missing, why? he's still hiding.

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knock knock whose there? my penis.

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What does an owl and a mole have in common? They both live underground, apart from the owl

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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