I like my women the way I like my coffee: Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why wouldn't the man in a wheelchair see out the window? The curtains were closed

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q: How does 5 gay people walk together? A: In One Direction.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why can't Helen Keller hear? She's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call: A black person, A white person, A mexican, A Jew, And an athiest? Whatever their names are!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's white or grey or brown or green or black or yellow or purple ? Could be almost anything, really.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Q-What happened to the kid who thought he could fly A-his head exploded while he was sitting in a microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Yo mama's so fat she couldn't ride on roller coasters with you in Disney world. Sometimes you wish you could share more fond memories with her.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

So a black man hails a taxi...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's worse than a 15 year old getting hit by a car? Adam Johnson

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front porch? Matt What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating down the river? Bob

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple??? You... Lol jk no there could be alot of things like getting raped, the holocaust, me killing your children i mean someone killing your children. Because if it was me you would know it was me and file a report and i would be arrested and be sent to jail. And in jail i would try my hardest to stay alive brcause if i died that would suck. I would also try not to drop the soap beacuse i might get rapped by some prisib mate, also the floors are quite dirty and that would guve me any type of bacteirial infection like the stupid yeats infection or maby the persob who takes it from me when i finnish would get aids cause it dropped on the floor and who knows were it was. Then he would die from aids and his wife and or kids would be sad and set up a funeral were a preist would stand in akward silence cause the guy murderd the preists father so he wouldnt be mean an ruin the funeral but he wouldnt say anything nice. But after the funeral the preist would go back home and smoke a cigarette because he has started an unhealthy habbit just like millions of people around the world. When will people learn that it kills you faster than cancer well some cancers are quite quick and painless like a head tumor. But most tumors are able to be saved because the doctors are smart these days coming from yale or havord universitys and what not. Most peopel want to take the easy way out by just working at kinkos or wallmart. Both jobs are shit wich is why im probably going to go there cause no one else will except me in there offices or departments. I think its the fact i look like a pedofile trying to kill babys but you know how life is short and difficult to control but you have one life why waste it. Stupid emo kids trying to cut emselfs and shoot themselfs so they dont have to deal with theirs or their partners periods because the other day coming back from mc donalds this guy almost hit me with his car and threw a cup at me for some strange reason but hey not my problem unless he was my first victim?...... Lol jk i have never killed anyone and im not that creapy... Awks POTATO!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb. Two. But it would have to be a very big lightbulb to fit both of them in there.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a Nazi in an airplane? Above sea level

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A black man walks up to a jewish man in a bar. They engage into a nice conversation, seeing how they were friends back in college.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why didn't the man cross the road? He was paralyzed.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

The WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A boy asks his teacher to go to the bathroom, she says ok but only if he can sya the alphabet. He says ok, but for some reason skips the letter P. How come? -Because he has a sever learning disability and is having a hard time remebering all the letters of the alphabet

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q. Why did the middle-aged man need glasses? A. The man's father had poor eyesight and therefore could not see well without the help of glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Yo Momma is so fat, she often chooses to take the elevator instead of the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's worse than 1000 babies stapled to one tree? 1 baby stapled to 1000 tress.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's worse than banning guns? Very few things

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops