Bill: My brother died on 9/11 Steve: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was he in one of the towers? Bill: Both. Steve: Both? Bill: He was in one tower when the first plane hit, so he ran over to warn everybody in the other tower and while he was in the other tower, he died of AIDS. Steve: LOL Bill: Quit your laughing, Steve, and make sweet, sweet love to me! Steve: It would be my pleasure! (While Bill and Steve made sweet, sweet love on that park bench, little did they know that a hundred miles away in a beautiful Los Angeles home, actor Jeff Goldblum was making himself a turkey sandwich...not too much mayo...just the way he likes it.)

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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What do you call something that isn't funny? Serious

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating on the water? Dead.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "How's it going?" The man replies, "Bless you." The man walks out of the bar, as his peers realize he was honest when he told them a week earlier that he had autism.

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This is a joke

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What do you get if you cross a Sheep with a Kangeroo. An abomination unto God.

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What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

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I have a sandwich and chips for lunch! But instead of a sandwich I have macaroni, and instead of chips I have no friends.

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A Muslim walked out of a bomb shop.

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How many people with Alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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a muslim, jew, and catholic went into a bar and sat down and had drinks. The muslim asks the jew "are you macrobiotic". the jew replies "no" and they go about their fun....

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Why did the mother have a club in her hands covered with red liquid? She spilled her bloody murry while playing golf.

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roses ar red vilots ar blue i have hiv

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knock! knock! whos there? doctor doctor who? no Doctor Brown, you have cancer

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Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I am a dog

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A priest, rabbi, and mormon are arguing about which religion is best. A zookeeper hears and says, "I have a bear who is sleeping right now. How about whoever converts the bear belongs to the best religion?" The priest goes in first, and then walks out a few minutes later, unharmed. The mormon does the same, and he too exits unscathed. The rabbi goes in, and walks out covered in claw marks. "How'd it go?" Said the zookeeper. "Easy." Said the priest. "I just sprinkled some Holy water on him." "I did the same." Said the mormon. The rabbi looked at the zookeeper and said, "have you ever tried to circumcise a bear?"

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When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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Q: "What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?" A: Dr. Dre

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Does it not sound kinda fun to keep slapping someone that always turns the other cheek?

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Q: What did Batman say to get robin into the Batmobile? A: Robin, get in the Batmobile!

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Knock, knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest!

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what do you call a mixbreed of a bull dog and a shitzu? a sharpei

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What do you call a gay woman who likes to smoke cigarettes? A lesbian with a possible nicotine addiction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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