Why did Jimmy's sexy teacher ask him to stay behind after class? His grades have been slipping and she expects better from her students. How anyone views her sexually is of no relevance to this situation.

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? A satisfied elephant and a dead poodle.

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A blonde walks into a store and tells the clerk "I'd like to buy that microwave". The clerk says "we don't sell things to blondes.". The blonde comes in the shop the next day with a brown wig on and says "I'd like to buy that microwave". The clerk says "we don't sell things to blondes". The blonde asks how he knew she was a blonde. The clerk replies, "I can see flyaway strands of your hair from the top of your wig and the synthetic hair material of the wig is not convincing.

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Why did they monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey. By darragh hamilton

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WHY DID THE CHICKEN FART SO LOAD TO GET EVRYYBODY ATENTION

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What's pink and wrinkley and hangs out your pj's? Ya nanna :)

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Iggy Azalea

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Q: Whats worse than a dead baby in a bag? A: Please just make my hamburger.

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what happened to your gran you tell me

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SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS. Source: http://www.pingzic.com/funny-whatsapp-status-to-make-others-laugh/

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If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples how many pankackes can fit on the roof? Purple because alians do not wear hats./

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What's the difference Justin Bieber and a Dic* the Dic*

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Person 1: Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide? Person 2: It works very well.

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Come on Red, I am linked with the fucking global bank, that does not mean I go there and get the money! The FBI keeps tabs on absolutely everything, everybody knows that, if Mike Tyson has a cup of tea there, they file him down. Its legal, its secure and incredibly expensive, but the FBI stands for the security of the US alone, that does not mean that they do not work with every other corporation, organization, affiliation,syndicate, and pff, anything. If you suspect that I somehow went from being one of the key members of the underground, to a fucking FBI agent, you can believe that, but then dont ask me for help, nor be my friend, without trust there is no friendship.

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A man walked into a bar 2 hours later he died from drinking and driving

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We have a 24hr fitness center...it is open from 6 to 11

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Roses are red Violets are blue I can't rhyme coffee table.

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knock knock whos there Aids, now you've got it

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What do you call a shattered lightbulb? A hazard that should be taken very seriously.

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Knock knock Who's there? Your friend Jim Oh hello Jim, please come in it is very nice to see you this fine evening.

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Your Momma's So fat, that she is quite unhealthy, and she should stop spending her life savings at fast food restaurants. Probably should stop drinking pop as well.

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What did the little girl say to her step father? Please stop raping me

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Why can't the cheetah run fast anymore? Because it died in a forest fire.

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What's the difference between a piano and a fish? A piano is an instrument, fish is an animal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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