An old lady walks into a bar. She was the janitor.

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What happend when 1 second past after 7:00 am? It was still 7:00 am.

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Do you know what will hurt? Getting hurt.

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why was your family so sad? because you died due to your uncle's son's cousin urinating all over you as a baby causing you to sting yourself continually. did i mention you were born as a scorpion while your family members were all human beings making them neglect and throw you away in their trash when you would always climb out. your family secretly hid affection for you. back to the beginning. when you died everyone in the whole world except bill cosby got cancer at the exact moment you died, but years later (because bill cosby is immortal), he got down syndrome after everyone who was alive during your death died. that is why he goes doo dop bip babbity today.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food?? Neither have they...

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What did the robber take from the store? The managers dick

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no

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Roar, roar! I am the king of the jungle! But did you know the lion would be defeated by a polar bear in a battle between the two?

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Q:What did I get for Christmas? A:You, put on this leash.

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How do you keep a blond in suspense?

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The cow went moo

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How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? None because they don't believe in technology.

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Have you seen the movie "Constipation?" No. It hasn't come out yet! Of course there is no such movie in production and no plans for such a movie exist.

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Why did the dog die? I beat him with a bat

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what do men with small penises use as condoms? appropriately sized condoms.

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What happen to the guy who didn't breathe A. He died

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conrad profit

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Where is Madeline McCann? 6 Feet under....

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I saw a mexican drowning and saved him... as my screensaver ;)

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Whats the difference between a car and a dead child? I don't have a dead baby in my basement.

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Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

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"What do you call a man who has bumblebee wings and fire for blood?" (The doctor on the other line has no answer. Tom desperately weeps into the phone, trying to grasp his sudden transformation. He finds no reassurance, and hangs up the phone.)

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What do apples and bananas have in common? They're both red (except for bananas).

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Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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