Yo' momma is like a hardware store, 25 cents for a screw!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What should you do if you are locked in the trunk of a car? Yell for help.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats worse than 12 babys stapled to a tree? 1 baby stapled to 12 trees!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Do you know what will hurt? Getting hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?? Neither have they...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why was your family so sad? because you died due to your uncle's son's cousin urinating all over you as a baby causing you to sting yourself continually. did i mention you were born as a scorpion while your family members were all human beings making them neglect and throw you away in their trash when you would always climb out. your family secretly hid affection for you. back to the beginning. when you died everyone in the whole world except bill cosby got cancer at the exact moment you died, but years later (because bill cosby is immortal), he got down syndrome after everyone who was alive during your death died. that is why he goes doo dop bip babbity today.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A Boy went up to his dad and told him he was hungry. His dad then beat him to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? There must have been something that peaked her interest.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed Nothing it is a sentient object and doesn't have the capability to talk

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Where is Madeline McCann? 6 Feet under....

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I saw a mexican drowning and saved him... as my screensaver ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats the difference between a car and a dead child? I don't have a dead baby in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

conrad profit

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Have you seen the movie "Constipation?" No. It hasn't come out yet! Of course there is no such movie in production and no plans for such a movie exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the dog die? I beat him with a bat

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what do men with small penises use as condoms? appropriately sized condoms.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you keep a blond in suspense?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The cow went moo

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? None because they don't believe in technology.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do apples and bananas have in common? They're both red (except for bananas).

thumb_up thumb_down +10

"What do you call a man who has bumblebee wings and fire for blood?" (The doctor on the other line has no answer. Tom desperately weeps into the phone, trying to grasp his sudden transformation. He finds no reassurance, and hangs up the phone.)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happen to the guy who didn't breathe A. He died

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops