What did the mexican get for his brthday? A potatoe

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If Johnny can hold 7 bottles of Vodka in one hand and 6 cans of beer in the other, what does Johnny have? A drinking problem.

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I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other!

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he's not coming

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What's a small person? A midget

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How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

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Dat ass, or dem titties? Your choice.

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What did the two eggs in the frying pan say to each other? Nothing, their eggs.

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What did the father tell his son on his death bed? Nothing. He was hit by a car and was now a vegetable.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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Why the girl fell from the swing? cause she had no arms

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Whats the differance between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

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Women's Sports

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Why didnt the chicken cross the road? -Its a chicken you dumb shit.

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Why cant Jesus play rugby? Cause he's nailed to a cross

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Where do astronaut cows go? Nowhere. There's no such thing as an astronaut cow.

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A horse walks into a bar, Bartender says why the long face? and the horse says, i have horse aids

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How do you have gay sex? I don't know ask Jordan Braun

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why couldn't the one armed man juggle because it was snowing outside and his one room flat was to small

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How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2

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A duck walk into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender hands him a glass and the duck drinks it. After finishing his drink he ruminates about how drowning his misery with booze won't solve a thing in his life. He decided he'll call his ex-wife and apologize and goes back home.

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A priest, rabbi, and mormon are arguing about which religion is best. A zookeeper hears and says, "I have a bear who is sleeping right now. How about whoever converts the bear belongs to the best religion?" The priest goes in first, and then walks out a few minutes later, unharmed. The mormon does the same, and he too exits unscathed. The rabbi goes in, and walks out covered in claw marks. "How'd it go?" Said the zookeeper. "Easy." Said the priest. "I just sprinkled some Holy water on him." "I did the same." Said the mormon. The rabbi looked at the zookeeper and said, "have you ever tried to circumcise a bear?"

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whats worse than having your bike stolen? Getting raped

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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