Roses are red Violets are red I murdered the gardener

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How do you drown a blond? Hold her head under water until she finally stops thrashing around.

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How much does a mexican immigrant get paid? Less an minimum wage.

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When life throws you lemons, duck.

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Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

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Why did Obama win the president election He had a greater amount of votes that Jonh mccain

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Why do flamingos hold up one leg?f If they held up two they'd fall down.

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Why did the Muslim get on the plane in New York? To go visit his dying aunt in Memphis.

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Steven bought an apple And then he went home and fed it too his pet Jim (he was a fish and then sadly died from being overfed)

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if a cat is mean and a dogs a bitch then what do u call your wife? A MEAN ASS BITCH

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Darude - Sandstorm

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roses are blue violets, are orange, i am color blind

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What did the young boy get for christmas? Parental divorce

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That dress looks amazing on you considering how fat you are.

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How do you save a black guy from drowning? You don't.

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what's the difference between people and horses? people have two less legs.

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what is big and white? the moon

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A christian was diagnosed with cancer. He refused chemo and prayed to god. Eventually, he died.

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GONNA

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you've been denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

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A man spills his his drink. Like any other man would do, he got some paper towels and some mult-purpose cleaner and proceeded to wipe up the mess. Not a further word was said about the situation.

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A man is so drunk that the alcohol has a biphasic effect on the body, meaning that its effects change over time. Initially, alcohol typically produces feelings of relaxation and cheerfulness. Increased consumption, however, can lead to dehydration, coordination problems, blurred vision, and a great number of health, medical, and social issues and other drinking problems caused by alcoholism. As articulated above, excessive alcohol consumption can lead to drunkenness. One of the short term effects of intoxication is the lowering of an individual's inhibitions. As a consequence, when people are intoxicated they frequently do things they normally would not do while sober, often ignoring legal, ethical, social, and moral or religious norms. While blurred vision, slurred speech, dehydration, and coordination can be labeled as "alcohol short term effects," other health problems such as alcohol related heart disease, liver disease, and cancer, on the other hand, can be labeled as long term effects of alcohol abuse and alcoholism. This, however brief, is an overview of the effects of alcohol. What remains to be discussed, however, is what Paul Harvey calls "the rest of the story." Essentially, "the rest of the story" is a more detailed analysis of how excessive alcohol affects an individual's life and the lives of those around him or her when the person becomes an alcoholic and suffers from alcoholism. Perhaps the most logical way to discuss this complex topic is to focus first on the classic alcoholic behaviors and effects of alcohol in the four states of alcoholism; then examine some of the "social effects" of alcohol and alcoholism and finally, discuss the medical conditions, health issues, and drinking problems that are caused directly or indirectly by alcoholism.

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What's the difference between a duck? An armchair because the vest has no sleeves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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