How do you drown a blond? Hold her head under water until she finally stops thrashing around.

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Roses are red Violets are red I murdered the gardener

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrarri? A dead baby is a non-living human, while a Ferrarri is a brand of car.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't, there were no roads back then

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how many rapists does it take to screw a lightbulb?

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Two rabbis standing at the buffet cart. The first exclaims "Oy vey, those pork chops look good!". The second shrugs, turns to his friend and remarks, "So do your wife's norks".

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What do you call a whore? Kelsey cook duh

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What did the young boy get for christmas? Parental divorce

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Why do flamingos hold up one leg?f If they held up two they'd fall down.

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Why did Obama win the president election He had a greater amount of votes that Jonh mccain

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roses are blue violets, are orange, i am color blind

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Darude - Sandstorm

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How do you get a black person to drop chicken? Yell KKK.

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Steven bought an apple And then he went home and fed it too his pet Jim (he was a fish and then sadly died from being overfed)

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if a cat is mean and a dogs a bitch then what do u call your wife? A MEAN ASS BITCH

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That dress looks amazing on you considering how fat you are.

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How do you save a black guy from drowning? You don't.

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GONNA

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you've been denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

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what is big and white? the moon

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what's the difference between people and horses? people have two less legs.

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A christian was diagnosed with cancer. He refused chemo and prayed to god. Eventually, he died.

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Swiggity Swooty. I'm currently in pursuit for that part of your body people refer to as "booty".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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