Roses are red, Violets aren't blue, They're fucking violet, And I hate you.

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Q: What's the best way to get a woman to stalk talking? A: Ask them nicely.

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You wanna know something that's totally out of this world? The moon

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Why didn't the 34 year old woman fit into some size 14 jeans? Because she was size 16.

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Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a blonde? A: One, if she tries to swallow it.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Yo mama's so fat that when she stepped on a scale, she saw her ex-boyfrien's phone number!

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

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Why did the chicken cross the road The light was green

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Your mom is so old so will die soon.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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How many penguins does it take to cover a dog house? Purple, because the Ice cream has no bones.

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When does a blond laugh and cry? When she's raped by a clown.

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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Why couldn't the man reach the police on his phone after his leg was hacked off by a serial killer? He had AT&T as a service provider.

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Every sixty seconds in Africa... a minute passes - plz like to save Africa!

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That awkward when you adimaticlly read "moment in your head because you have seen too many of these awkward moment jokes.

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Your mom is so fat that she sat on a rock.

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What's cooler than being cool? Being really cool

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A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots. They all miss.

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Why do people always walk so slow when your in a rush to get somewhere? They don't it just seems like that

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You're in a room with your friend, and you see some one being eaten by a monster. Who's getting eaten? No one, monsters aren't real.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Well the chicken was very confused and had no logical brain power to think or know where it was going. Once he crossed the road he went into the ice cream parlor but was soon kicked out due to lack on communication

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where would you hide 100 dead jews in a car the ashtray because they were all cremated

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops