How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

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On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, AIDS

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Penis penis poop butt

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What part of NO can't you understand? The part where you pronounce the 'N'.

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Why is john unable to ride a bike? because john is a rock

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Why did the Jew pick a dollar off the ground? He dropped it.

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Your time.

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What did the little girls who's parents died in a car accident get for her birthday? Foster Parents

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Why can't Kevin run with scissors? Because he killed himself.

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What happens when you push an asian in a hole? He falls in

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Why did the computer crash? Because the driver transporting the computer to his friend lost control of his vehicle.

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JEWS

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why was the girl sleeping on the ground? because she was dead

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A Jew sits down next to a muslim at the bar. They great and discuss their day's events, they both order beers. Then they go home.

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What did the asian parent say to his kid when he got a D? -It's OK son, you will do better next time.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Look in the peephole

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue you have hemroids

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Yolo: Your Oppurtunity Lies Upon...... oh, wait upon starts with a u... YOLU

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Nipples+poop= good stuff. Hellllll yeaaahhhh

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What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Chuck Norris' cheese

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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why didn't little johnny show up to school on friday? little johnny died two months ago from cancer. he hasn't been to school in a year.

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Robocop and T-800 where fighting, first the T-800 manages to injure Robocop critically, but Robocop manages to repair himself and break T-800`s legs off, which T-800 suddenly regrows due to an unexpected upgrade. After several hours of combat, where civilians are injured and half the town is destroyed they where both worn out, but ready for one last struggle... ...Eventually there was a great celebration for whoever won.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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