-When is a door not a door? -Never

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Knock Knock Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you!- Napoleon Dynamite

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A Haiku Haiku's are easy But Sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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roses are red violets are blue i have alzheimers roses are red

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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A Psychologist said that I am a pessimist... Figures.

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What is funny about 9/11. Nothing, it was a tragic day for the world.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

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A man and woman was sitting at a bar. The man bought the woman a roofied drink and she has never been seen again.

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What do you say the big head boy? Brush yo teeth

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There once was a man in Peru, Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. He was promptly taken to the hospital but died from infection.

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What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Quality control or some other function.

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whats wrong with 4 blackmen in a jaguar falling over a cliff?? That was my car...

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What do you call a man with no legs and arms hanging on your wall? Art

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike?.. She was 4 and hadn't learned how to ride a bike yet... Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?.. It was stapled to the first monkey... Why was Suzie angry?.. Her parents had only found one bike at the marketplace... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?.. It thought it was a game... Why did the fridge fall out of the tree?.. It had no arms... Lucy fall off her bike?.. She was crushed by 3 monkeys and a fridge... There's 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left?.. 499 bricks... How do you get an elephant into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... How do you get a deer into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... The lion is celebrating his birthday and, being the king of the jungle, all the other animals were in attendance except for one... Why?.. The deer was in the fridge... Little Mia is looking for Lucy and comes across an alligator-infested river... How does she cross it?... She swam... The alligators are at the lion's party... She died anyways, though... What happened?.. A brick fell on her head... Why did Suzie fall off the swing?.. She was trampled by the elephant, who was in a hurry to get to the lion's party in time... Why did the ethologist couple commit suicide?.. Their 3 daughters there killed by a brick, an elephant and 3 dead monkeys followed by a fridge... Note: yeah not 100% original, i mixed some already existing jokes together... works better if you don't tell them all at once but sprinkle them in with lots of other unrelated jokes...

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why did the cookie go to the docter he felt crumpie

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What does Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na equal? A lot of sodium

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whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes home from camp.

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They all realize that none of them know each other, wonder when in time they are, have mental breakdowns, and run screaming into the night.

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A: how do u wake up lady gaga? B: you poke her face

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What's better than winning a medal in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Whats red and eats like dog? A fox.

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How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Hit him with an ax

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Funny joke to play on an elderly woman: Take her cane and push her In front of a bus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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