Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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yo mama is so fat that they call her fat mama

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Q. What's better than a breadmaker? A. A sandwhich.

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Why couldn't the 1 year old talk? It's a 1 year old, idiot, it can't!

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What's the best position to be in while being attacked by a bear? invisible

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas Mittens

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Person1: Why did the chicken cross the road? Person2: I dunno.-. to get to the other side? Person1: :( I dream of a better tomorrow where a chicken can cross the street without having his motives questioned

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i want to eat a horse out jaffa cake

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What did the dog say to his owner? Nothing, dogs do not have mouths that are shaped for forming words. Talking would require too many complex movements of the mouth, and since a dog's brain is very small, it would not have the capacity to hold that much information.

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A jew go out of a bar

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Women's rights.

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Why didn't the lactose intolerant man get a drink at the bar? He was the designated driver.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here?" The other muffin says "Yes. It feels like 425 degrees."

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How many wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. They prefer digging burrows for hibernation.

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard? Neither did she.

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Why are pirates called pirates? Because it derives from the Latin word, pirata.

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Knock Knock Come in

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Q. How is a monkey like a tricycle? A. They both have handlebars... except for the monkey.

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I walked down the street. I picked up a quarter. It was shiny. Then I walked to school. I finished school, so I walked home, did my homework, and went to bed. Lesson learned: quadratic formula

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Did you see Ray Charles's house? No. Yeah, neither did he.

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What is funnier than a barrel full of clowns? The holocaust.

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

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I raped someone in my basement... ...Just Kidding!... ...I dont have a basement

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops