How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito (from the Spanish or Portuguese word for little fly) is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat). Mosquitoes resemble crane flies (family Tipulidae) and chironomid flies (family Chironomidae), with which they are sometimes confused by the casual observer. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapiens (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans.

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Nobody cares.

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I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

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Q: Why did the man have no legs? A: He lost them when his humvee hit a roadside bomb during his last tour in Iraq.

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What do you call an asian guy in a police uniform? A police officer.

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Q:why do bananas where sunscreen? A:beacause they peel!!haha

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How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

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How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

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Penis.

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What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

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what's funnier than 3 dead babies in a trashcan pretty much anything thats not funny

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

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What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

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(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar. Everybody leaves except Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson never walked out alive

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The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Run Quick, Before I eat you and die of obesity due to high blood pressure and bad heart disease!!!

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Why did hitler need glasses? Because he could Nazi.

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An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

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Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, Everything's Grey, I am a Dog.

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why did the guy drop his umbrella........ because he was getting raped.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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