A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says .... Hey, you shouldn't be in here; you're a big and powerful animal and any sudden movement could be dangerous for anyone around you. You have sharp hooves and we don't carry anything ergonomically designed for you to actually drink out of ... so, it's probably best that you just go ahead and get out of here. The irishman at the bar says to the bartender: Why are you talking to a horse as if it can understand you? They do not understand the spoken word and do not have the vocal chords to reply.

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Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street, Paddy says to Murphy, "Alright Murphy? How's the kids?" Murphy says to Paddy, "Not bad, thanks."

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Whats funnier than 24? 25

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Whats worse than a Worm in Your Apple? Being raped

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Your mother is so fat. But I'm fine with it.

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Nipples+poop= good stuff. Hellllll yeaaahhhh

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I'll give you a nickel to lick my pickle, a dime to take your time and a quarter if I can f*ck you in the ass

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Why couldn't the black man sleep at night? His eye lids were cut off

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Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

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There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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If you asked an alzheimer's patient what the meaning of life is, what answer would you get? Probably an answer that doesn't respond to the question but is bound to be hilarious.

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What did the cow say to his friend? Moo.

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Women's rights.

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What did the man say to the bartender when he wanted a beer? Get me a beer.

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I like vagina, hahahahah!!!!!!!!!!

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Why couldn't the pirate get into the adult movie? He had just spent the last of his money at Ihop with his friends, and is now regretting ordering two Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruitys when he was really only hungry for one.

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What do you call someone allergic to water ? Waterproof

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Why can't Billy ride the bicycle? Billy's a fish.

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Jay Leno: The economy is so bad.. Audience: how bad is it?! Jay Leno: Very bad.

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asparagus

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Why do black people suck? Because they're black

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Diarrhea

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black people

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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